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Office parties without regrets
Don't be the one talked about later
We've all heard the one about the co-worker wearing the lampshade ... the secretary dancing on the table ... the illicit kiss in the coat closet ... the traveling salesman flirting with the boss's wife. What would an office party be without a bit of gossip afterward?
While these mildly amusing to outright scandalous stories may be the hit of the break room back at the office, you don't want to be the subject of those stories.
"It's always best to remember that a corporate event - even a holiday party - is a business function held in a social environment," said Amy Hightower, executive assistant at Turner Broadcasting, who teaches business etiquette in-house and event planning at Kennesaw State University. "You can't let your hair down like you would at a private party."
"Have fun, but keep in the back of your mind that this is a business event. You want to shine in a positive way," said Mykel Hackney, director and founder of Manners House School of Etiquette & Protocol. "If your co-workers see that you are someone who has it on the ball socially, you'll gain more respect, and that can only help your career."
Even in today's casual society, manners matter. Knowing a few basic rules of etiquette can help you sail through any holiday function with grace and style. Here are some tips from the experts.
Respond to the invitation promptly.
"Waiting until the last minute to respond gives the signal that you might be sorting through various invitations to choose the best one," said Peggy Newfield, president and founder of Personal Best Inc., which has provided etiquette training for international executives, Fortune 500 companies and young people since 1980. "Respond quickly and in kind. If the invitation is written, write a note back. If it's verbal, make a call."
"When a company goes to the expense and effort to host a party, and you don't come, it sends signals that you are not a team player, don't appreciate the gesture or that you're standoffish," Hackney said. If you do have an unavoidable conflict, make sure your host knows that you regret not being able to come to the office party.
As a party planner, Hightower said one of her pet peeves is when people don't respond to an RSVP or say yes and then are "no-shows." Party planners need to have accurate counts for table seating and catering needs.
"Your RSVP should be your bond, and, if you must cancel, do it in person," Hightower said.
Dress appropriately.
"Your attire should be festive but conservative," said Marge Dussich, assistant director of career services at Georgia Institute of Technology, who teaches business etiquette seminars. "You don't want anything too low-cut or tight-fitting."
Follow the dress code on the invitation as closely as possible.
"A black dress or a dark business suit with a white shirt will take you anywhere except a black-tie affair," Newfield said. "If nothing is stated and you're unsure, it's correct to ask the hostess, but not the day of the affair, when she'll be busy. Ask two weeks before."
Time your entrance and exit.
Thoughtful guests know not to arrive early or leave too late. "If it's a cocktail reception from 7 to 9, arriving about 7:20 to 7:30 is perfect, but if it's a sit-down dinner, the latest you want to arrive is 7:10. The timing is more critical when there's a meal involved, and it's rude to be late," Newfield said.
When you arrive at an event, make your presence known to your host first, Hackney suggested.
"Don't head straight to the food or drink. Find your host, shake hands and thank him for inviting you," she said.
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At the end of the evening, be sure to say good night to everyone at your table and tell your host how much you enjoyed the event. Sending a thank-you note afterward is a thoughtful gesture that will make you stand out from the crowd, she suggested.
It's appropriate to attend several cocktail parties in one night, but don't announce it to the other guests, Newfield said.
"Boasting about your popularity is in the poorest of taste," she added.
It's thoughtful to bring a hostess gift to a party in someone's home, but don't bring flowers. "The hostess is busy trying to greet guests, and holding a bouquet is inconvenient," Newfield said.
Focus on the guests, not the food or drink.
"Decorum at a party means showing genuine interest in your fellow guests," Newfield said. "If you're nervous or shy, come with some general questions or remarks that will start a conversation and take the focus off yourself."
If you eat something before you go, you won't be tempted to overload your plate or stand near the buffet all evening, neither of which makes a good impression.
There's no need to make an issue of your food preferences, either. Fill a plate with what you can eat and take it to a table.
"I had a new cream-colored outfit. It was embarrassing for the woman who speared the tomato and for me to have to wear the stain all evening," she said.
"At a party with open seating, welcome all who ask to join you, even if you had hoped to save places for friends who haven't arrived yet. Introduce yourself and include everyone in the conversation," Newfield said.
Alcohol can make people say and do things that they'd never dream of saying or doing normally - such as dancing on tables or telling embarrassing family secrets. To avoid being water-cooler fodder, limit your intake to what you can handle.
Keep conversation light and behavior above-board.
Because mingling is the main activity at a party, carry your drink in your left hand so that your right hand is free for shaking hands. When introducing others at business functions, remember that the person with the highest rank is mentioned first."An office party with spouses and dates present is not the time for inside jokes that only office workers understand or private conversations that leave others out," Newfield said. "Insensitive remarks about the host's choice of decor or food just make everyone uncomfortable and reflect poorly on you."
When conversing with a couple, speak to both parties equally. Don't flirt.
"Avoid talking about religion and politics. Don't tell off-color jokes and, in today's global workplace, it's good to be aware of cultural differences," Dussich said.
It's best to remember that you're representing not only yourself but also your company to external guests who may be invited. The image you project socially can have a positive or negative effect on future career opportunities.
