LANGUAGE BARRIER

Q: How do you handle a co-worker who constantly uses foul language in a professional office? I've hinted to her that I don't like it, but that did no good. I talked with her boss and the human resources manager, but they seem to view me as a tattletale.

MARIE G. McINTYRE

YOUR OFFICE COACH

A: In a recent survey, 91 percent of respondents said that using profanity was the most ill-mannered type of workplace behavior. Constant cursing is unpleasant for co-workers and can be bad for business if customers are within earshot.

As a peer, you obviously lack the leverage to order your uncouth co-worker to stop swearing. And her boss must not share your view of the situation. So you need a different strategy.

If other colleagues share your concern, go back to HR as a group, describe the objectionable behavior and ask for enforcement of reasonable guidelines on workplace language. Because there is strength in numbers, group action is usually the best approach to resolving group problems.

If you have no support from management or colleagues, your only hope is to ask your co-worker for a personal favor.

Here's an example: "I know you may think this is silly, but four-letter words make me very uncomfortable. They don't bother everyone, but they really do bother me. I would greatly appreciate it if you could tone down the language when I'm around."

Previously, you've only "hinted" at your feelings, which is seldom effective and a little cowardly. So consider a more direct approach.

Q: How can you get women to understand the importance of obeying the unwritten rules at work?

Recently, two of my colleagues were discharged. Neither woman dressed appropriately for a professional role. Both wore low-cut blouses, incredibly short skirts and tons of gaudy jewelry. One had extremely long, red, artificial fingernails.

They also could be confrontational in their communication styles.

After the business was purchased by another company, the two women were told that there was no place for them in the new organization. The terminations caught them completely off-guard, because apparently no one ever had tried to guide them toward a more appropriate demeanor.

Women need to know that failing to heed the unwritten rules can derail their careers. When you look like you're going to a beach party, people will not take you seriously. And if you are defensive and confrontational, people will not want to work with you.

A: Thanks for sharing an instructive example. Although the specific "rules" may differ, the lesson is equally applicable to men. If your former colleagues were simply oblivious, I hope someone clues them in before they repeat this scenario. If they were being defiant, perhaps they will learn to make wiser choices about their dress and behavior.

-- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.