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Make summer memorable (in a good way)
So your children are on summer vacation and you're at work. First, lose the guilt! You're doing the best you can, and plenty of children of working parents have turned out perfectly fine, said stress-management and work/life balance authority Kathleen Hall, author of "A Life in Balance: Nourishing the Roots of True Happiness" (2006).
"During the school year, you know where your kids are. In the summer, you need to get a handle on what they're doing, what they're thinking and their emotional state," Hall said.
Dangerous chat rooms, risky behaviors, peer pressure, unhealthy eating habits, constant video games or TV and teen suicide are real concerns for parents today.
"Without a daily schedule, teens can be more depressed by a breakup with a boyfriend, for instance," she said. "So make a plan. Label a folder 'Summer 2006' and fill it with memories, not worries."
Here are some suggestions.
Hold a mandatory family meeting once a week. For the first one, ask everyone to bring three personal summer goals (such as "learn to swim" or "redecorate bedroom") and one thing he or she wants to do as a family.
If the children want to take a vacation, ask them to do the research. It's a learning experience to find out what things cost and to make choices. A $3,000 trip to Disney World might turn into several smaller trips or a summer grass-cutting job. Let them be part of the decision-making.
Hire a neighborhood teen or enlist an older couple to take the children to the pool, library or park.
"Kids, even teens, want a connection with their parents," Hall said. "Meet them for lunch. Use break times to call or e-mail. Ask your boss to bring your kids to work one day a month; it's powerful for a child to see your workplace and know their photo is on your desk."
Don't bring work home. Use summer nights to play games, have picnics, watch movies and eat ice cream cones.
Create a worry box, into which family members can put their concerns that they have written down. Let a different child read them at the family meeting. Talk about them.
"Realize how infinitely short this time is with your kids. If you're feeling stressed or guilty, you're not being 'present' with your kids, and that's what you both want," Hall said.
