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Problems with boss may be your fault
Q: I've had trouble getting along with every manager I've ever had. In my last job, it got so bad that I asked for a transfer, and now I've run into the same issues with my new boss. I've already written to Human Resources about my communication problems with her. How can I turn this situation around?
A: Because you've had difficulty with all your bosses, you must be doing something to create problems for yourself. The employee-manager relationship presents challenges for you.
One possibility is that you are dealing with control issues. Do you get into unnecessary arguments with your manager? Or ignore her preferences and requests? When employees resent the fact that managers can direct their activities, the result can be an ongoing power struggle.
If you truly have no clue about what's bothering your boss, get some feedback from people who know you well. Ask a few trusted colleagues for their honest opinions of your interactions with management. And really listen to what they say.
Sending a written complaint about your manager to Human Resources was probably not a wise move if your goal is to improve the relationship. Asking for a confidential conversation to discuss your concerns would have been a better approach.
To move in a more positive direction, meet with your boss, ask what you can do differently and comply with any reasonable requests.
If appropriate, apologize for previous transgressions, but do not get into a debate about past events. Stay focused on the future.
If that conversation goes well, you will be on the road to better communication. But don't expect your manager's opinions to change overnight. She needs time to believe that you are sincere, so do not lapse into your old behaviors under any circumstances.
- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.
