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Flee from boss Romeo as quickly as you can
Q: A few months ago, my boss confessed that he has "feelings" for me. I am happily married and definitely do not share these feelings. Although I was stunned and angry, I naively thought we could continue to work together on a professional basis. However, this is a very small business and he is the owner, so the situation felt uncomfortable. I began looking for a new job but haven't found one yet.
Last week, my boss told me that his feelings have not changed, but he needs to know if I still am planning to leave, since he will have to replace me. Now I feel like he's trying to push me out. I have confided in one of my co-workers and saved his hand-written notes to document his "emotional attachment" to me. People whom I've talked to say there is no sexual harassment in this situation. What recourse do I have?
A: Contrary to what you have been told, expressing romantic intentions toward an employee and sending her love notes do indeed constitute sexual harassment. Legally, sexual harassment can occur without any physical overtures. If you want to pursue that avenue, you will need to find out if your "very small business" is large enough to be covered by the law.
Although you may not like feeling pushed, finding another job is definitely the best solution. So far, your boss is quietly harboring romantic fantasies, but if he becomes more obnoxious or aggressive, things might get difficult. In a larger company, you could take your problem to human resources, but, unfortunately, you don't have that option.
In response to your boss's question, you can say that you have no immediate plans to leave. This is a truthful answer, because at the moment you have no job to go to. If he inquires about future plans, tell him that you're not sure, but if you decide to leave you'll give him reasonable notice.
Should your boss bring up his feelings again, remind him that you are married. Explain that you like your job but that your relationship with him needs to remain strictly professional. Then change the subject.
One question, though: How did your boss know that you're looking for a job? I assume that you've been talking about it, which wasn't very prudent. When you declare your intention to leave one job before you find another, you risk being left with no job at all. So I suggest keeping all future job-search plans to yourself.
Q: Every month, our company asks each work team to select one member as most outstanding. That person gets to use a choice parking space for several weeks. One of my co-workers keeps complaining that we never choose him, but the reason is that he annoys everyone with his huge ego. Another colleague suggested that maybe we should just go ahead and nominate him to shut him up. The rest of us feel that this would cause his big head to become even more inflated. What do you think?
A: I'm with you. Your self-centered co-worker should not receive recognition that he doesn't deserve, especially because he seems to be campaigning for it.
Making him "team member of the month" will encourage his aggravating behavior. And management will get the message that you think he's a helpful colleague, when the reverse is true. So give the reward to a more worthy candidate.
However, you might consider having a supervisor or tactful team member tell Mr. Big-Head why he's never selected. He may not be aware that his self-promoting behavior turns everyone off.
- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.
