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Friends or lovers, closeness must not impair work
Q: Two of my employees - a married woman and a single man - are good friends. They enjoy each other's company and spend a significant amount of time together. I don't know whether they are romantically involved.
Other staff members are uncomfortable with their closeness. Some assume they're having an affair; others simply feel excluded. I haven't inquired about their personal relationship, but I did advise these two of the staff's comments and the perception of impropriety. They immediately became quite defensive.
If these employees are being judged unfairly, I should tell the others to stop spreading rumors. But if there is an inappropriate relationship, perhaps I should address that, although I'm not sure if it's my place to do so.
A: Here's the key question for any manager confronted with troublesome employee behavior: How is it adversely affecting the work? If you can identify a job-related problem, you need to address it. If not, don't worry about it.
Applying that standard to the lovebirds (or friend-birds), let's consider how their relationship might create workplace issues. Please note that we need to focus on observable behavior, not speculation about possible outside activities.
Do these employees refuse to involve others in projects? Are they chatting when they should be working? Do they make others feel excluded with "private" jokes and comments? If so, you need to talk with them.
Because these two probably view their friendship as a personal matter, you may have to help them understand how it's affecting the office. You also must reach agreement on how they plan to correct the situation.
Unless this pair starts cuddling in cubicles, speculation about a possible romance is unwarranted. To slow down the grapevine, tell your other employees to stop gossiping.
- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.
