 |
|
|||||
Want help? Adjust your attitude
Is there anything worse than seeing someone who obviously needs help but refuses to ask for it? Yup. For supreme frustration, I cast my vote for those who request help and then refuse to consider it. This scenario plays out in my career counseling office only once a year or so, but the mark it leaves is indelible.
Mind you, I'm not bothered when someone considers my advice and then turns it down. That's why it's called "advising" and not "supervising." My task as a job-search strategist is to offer solutions, not to order people around.
But I can't imagine why someone would ask for advice, only to interrupt every three minutes with objections. Such a person's entire vocabulary consists of "Yes, but" -- a phrase with apparently unlimited usage.
Anyone who is close to a job-seeker knows that unemployment can magnify the negative sides of personalities. Those who are already a bit moody can top the charts for nonstop irritability, while people with anger issues turn into mini-volcanoes, ready to blow at any minute.
And don't even try to reason with those who are cynical by nature. Either these folks are completely convinced that they never, ever will get a good job (because that's the way the world is), or they believe with all their hearts that their joblessness can be traced to a conspiracy entered into by hundreds of unrelated employers, at large and small companies, none of which will hire a person who is too (choose one) old, white, male, female, smart, dumb, undereducated, overqualified, humanoid or oxygen-breathing.
OK. That last paragraph was my personal rant, and it's best read aloud, without taking a breath. Then you'll get as lightheaded as I do when trying to connect with people who have let their fears and anxieties become their decision-making centers.
Before anyone writes me off as completely insensitive, let me say this: I get it. I get how completely terrifying it is to be without an income and without a safety net. Let me just say: "Been there. Done that." I also understand how some days are going to be the bad ones that you have to get through on the way to the good ones. Not many of us look our best when we're in the bad-day phase of a job search.
But if any of the above paragraphs describes you, I'll save you some time and money by writing here what I would say in a career counseling session: For heaven's sake, get a grip. Slow down, breathe deeply and let some reason peek through. Look at the following suggestions, choose some to try and get yourself back in the game.
1. Think about your mental state. Are you in bad shape emotionally? If you're hurting, get yourself to a therapist, a member of the clergy, a support group, a psychologist or psychiatrist . . . Find someone to talk with whose job is to listen and advise. You need a clear-headed advocate on your side.
2. Look critically at the things and people in your life right now. Are you starting each morning by reading the world news, then spending the day with talk radio? Do your friends or family members focus on negative things and talk about how the world is going down the tubes? You need to find a dog to walk or a T-ball team to coach. For short, therapeutic periods of time it's more than all right to shut out negative news (and people) and spend time on happier things.
3. Pay attention to your body. What are you eating? When was the last time you danced, jogged or played a quick game of anything physical? You know there's a connection between how you treat your body and how you feel each day. Take charge of this situation; this is something that's in your power.
4. Do something about your finances. Don't let another day go by without getting a handle on your situation. Figure out how much you owe and to whom, and start talking to your creditors to work out your options. Then get a part-time job, at any level, to get some cash flowing while you're looking for the "real" job.
5. Take "Yes, but" out of your vocabulary. Please, for me. It's a mental habit that we all need to ditch. When you hear advice you don't need, the proper answer is "I'll think about that." Train yourself to be open, if selective, to new ideas, rather than combative. It will make a world of difference.
- Amy Lindgren owns Prototype Career Service, a career consulting firm in St. Paul, Minn. She can be reached at alindgren@prototypecareerservice.com or at 1071 W. Seventh St., St. Paul, MN 55102.
