Whose business is workplace affair?

Q: I am aware of an adulterous affair between a high-level manager and a lower-level employee. The manager is married, but he is getting a divorce because of the affair.

I want to know if I should report this to top management.

One of my co-workers says that what these people do in their personal lives is their own business. But because the affair started at work and seems unethical, I believe that management should know about it.

What do you think?

MARIE G. McINTYRE

YOUR OFFICE COACH

A: Top management needs to hear about business issues, not rumors and gossip. So here's the key question: Is this illicit relationship adversely affecting the company, or do you just find it personally offensive?

If this "special" manager/subordinate connection creates workplace problems, talking with management might be appropriate. But if you go that route, don't rant and rave about the wickedness of their actions. That will make you sound like the morality police.

Instead, specifically describe the business problem that needs to be addressed.

However, if you are more concerned about personal morality than work, the proper communication is with the lovebirds themselves. They may nor may not appreciate your views, but you have every right to express them.

Your third choice, of course, is to keep your opinions to yourself.

Q: A manager in our office seems to have excessive chaos, turmoil and emotional upset in her life. She insists on bringing her personal difficulties to work and sharing them.

Even though we are not friends, she comes into my office, closes the door and launches into her problem of the day. This interrupts my work and makes me uncomfortable.

Everyone complains about this woman, but no one knows how to stop her in a professional and congenial manner. The boss is no help, because he feels sorry for her.

A: Some pitiful people constantly seem to be searching for informal therapists.

But that doesn't mean you have to become one. You are probably a kind, polite person who has gotten trapped by an emotional-energy leech.

And you can't make her go away without feeling rude.

Resolving this issue requires direct communication, but you don't have to be mean. Simply advise this intrusive colleague that you need more time for work.

For example: "Mary, I recently realized that I'm falling behind on projects because I spend too much time chatting. So from now on, even though I might like to talk, I'm going to have to cut short our personal conversations. Maybe we can go to lunch occasionally and catch up."

One single remark probably won't eliminate this behavior, however. When your co-worker arrives for her daily therapy session, you might have to remind her: "As I said the other day, Mary, I really have to cut back on personal chats, so I'm afraid I need to get back to work now."

Then stand up, smile regretfully and walk her out of your office.

If you stick to your guns, eventually she'll decide that you're no fun at all and go looking for a more rewarding victim.

- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.