Tune out the office chatterbox

Q: We have a woman in our office whose only topic of conversation is herself. She talks constantly about her aches and pains, her house, her financial situation, her family problems and her pets.

She doesn't watch the news, so she knows nothing about current events. If you start to say something about what you did over the weekend, she always turns the conversation back to her troubles.

I've got my own problems, but I have to listen to hers for as much as an hour at a time. Some days I just want to scream. Many people in the office feel the same way and are starting to avoid her. She is our boss's assistant, so no one wants to complain. Any advice?

OFFICE COACH

Marie G. McIntyre

A: The true source of your problem lies in the phrase "I have to listen." No, you don't. You're allowing yourself to be trapped by a self-centered, narcissistic chatterbox. She may enjoy regaling you with her tales of woe, but you don't have to keep listening.

By giving this woman your attention, you are rewarding her behavior. And any behavior that is rewarded will continue. If you've been suffering in silence, she may believe you're interested.

To turn off this continuous monologue, you don't have to be rude. Just smile regretfully and say, "I wish I had time to chat, but I really have to get back to work." Then turn to your computer or start reading some documents. Make this your mantra, and eventually she'll get the message.

You also might consider joining the ranks of those who avoid her. Unless you are tethered to this blabbermouth by your tasks, you have no obligation to spend time in her presence.

Q: I am an administrative assistant in an engineering firm. My duties are pretty clear-cut and mostly the same all the time. Sometimes I'm pretty busy, but usually I'm not. It's just a very undemanding, low-key kind of job, and I like it that way.

The problem is that this company wants everyone to be goal-oriented and think about career advancement. However, there is no advancement in my particular job, and that's fine with me. I always do good work, but I never have been the "career girl" type.

Last year, our management instituted a career-development program. I feel very panicky about filling out these forms every year, because they expect us to list our career goals. Since I don't have any goals, what do I say?

A: Take comfort in the fact that you're not alone. Many people have no desire to move up or "develop." These folks just need paychecks to finance the other aspects of their lives, which are usually more interesting to them.

Most managers, however, are all about goals and feel that everyone should share this motivation. So, when talking to a manager, never say "I have no goals." Instead, think of activities that might be helpful in your current position.

To complete the annual development form, forget about advancement and focus on learning. You could expand your knowledge of the business or acquire additional skills, like becoming more assertive or mastering a new computer application.

If you can list a couple of job-related objectives, that should satisfy the powers that be. Then you will have 12 more months to think of something to put on next year's form.

- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.