Thou shalt tolerate Bible-pushing boss

Q: My boss is always quoting Scripture at work. No matter what problem we take to him, his answer is a Bible verse. It has gotten so bad that employees hate to talk to him about anything. One day, I finally told him to please quote policy and procedures to me instead of quoting Scriptures.

Since then, our meetings have been somewhat awkward. Even though I'm a very good employee, I get the feeling that now he doesn't want me here. But I need to stay in this job until I finish school. How do you deal with a manager who talks about religion instead of addressing work issues?

A: Managers who bombard employees with their religious beliefs are abusing the power of their position. People in secular organizations should not feel that their spiritual values may affect their performance reviews. I wonder how your boss would react if his own manager constantly quoted the Koran or the Torah.

OFFICE COACH

Marie G. McIntyre

Your recourse in this situation depends on the size of the business. In a larger company, human resources personnel will be concerned about possible charges of religious discrimination, so you should take your dilemma to them.

But if you're in a small business and the offensive manager is the owner, then you're pretty much out of luck. To remain employed, you need to control your irritation.

When your boss answers policy questions with biblical quotations, listen politely, then say: "I'm not sure that I understand the company's policy on that issue. Could you clarify it for me?" And silently remind yourself that, once you graduate, you will be able to escape this proselytizing manager.

Q: About six weeks ago, my co-worker stopped speaking to me. She socializes with everyone else but does not acknowledge me at all. When she has to communicate about work, she sends me an e-mail. I've asked her twice if there's a problem, but she says "no."

Before this behavior change, she was in my office every day, talking and joking nonstop. She did this once before, about two years ago. How do I handle her attitude shift?

A: Your childish colleague is a classic example of passive-aggressive behavior. Because direct communication and conflict scare them, they send "messages" to convey their anger. Not speaking is a common tactic.

Despite their nonverbal expressions of hostility and resentment, these petulant people steadfastly maintain that nothing is wrong, thereby making it impossible to discuss the problem. The result of this silly game is that the relationship deteriorates, while the underlying issue remains unresolved.

Your only hope of progress lies in refusing to play the game. Instead of pleading for an explanation, indicate that you know there's a problem: "I can tell you're upset with me, and I have no idea why. I'd like to see if we can resolve the issue. When could we find some time to talk?"

If she takes you up on this offer, you've ended the game. But if she still insists that all is well, accept this as the truth: "I'm so glad to hear that. For some reason, I thought you were mad at me."

Because she says nothing is wrong, act like nothing is wrong. Smile, be friendly and continue talking about work issues. After awhile, she probably will return to normal conversation. If not, she's too dysfunctional to worry about.

- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.