Don't touch me!

Q: What is considered "inappropriate touching" at work? I don't mean sexual contact, but simply an occasional touch on the arm or a hand on someone's back when going through a doorway.

Recently, a formal complaint was registered against one of my colleagues for this type of touching. He was officially counseled by his manager and human resources, then a notice was put in his permanent personnel record.

The complaining party never had mentioned being offended by my co-worker's touching, so he was completely surprised by the complaint. He's just a naturally gregarious person, so how was he to know that his actions were offensive?

My own management style has been described as touchy-feely or warm and personable, but no one ever has complained of feeling offended, harassed or threatened. I've advised this colleague to avoid all physical contact in the future, but I'm not sure that this is the best advice. What's the right thing to do?

OFFICE COACH

Marie G. McIntyre

A: Touching people at work is a bad idea, especially if you are a manager. Unless physical contact is part of the job -- as with doctors, hairstylists or massage therapists -- it's best to keep your hands to yourself.

Although outgoing folks may view touches as warm and caring, more reserved people find casual touching to be intrusive and overly familiar. Unless you're psychic, you can't know how any given person will react to a friendly pat.

As a manager, you must be especially vigilant about offensive behavior.

Because your position gives you power, employees may feel obligated to tolerate actions they find distasteful. And if your hugs and strokes are misinterpreted as sexual overtures, you could be slapped with an unexpected harassment charge.

Q: I had a disagreement with my supervisor, who took the issue to our manager. When nothing had been resolved after several days, I began to feel that my job was in jeopardy, so I quit.

Since then, I have looked for work constantly, but no one will hire me.

I have good references from prior jobs, but I think my most recent employer is blackballing me. What can I do about this?

A: Do you know for a fact that your former employer is trashing your reputation? Or is that just the most comforting explanation for your job-search difficulties?

If you have evidence of negative comments, the next question is whether they are factually accurate. If the information is false, advise your ex-employer to stop immediately. You even might have an attorney send a letter.

If the unflattering remarks are truthful, however, you have no leverage to make demands. Instead, try to reach an agreement on how your work history will be described to prospective employers. Because you left on bad terms, you may need to grovel a bit to get their cooperation.

But if you have no proof and are speculating about the reason for rejections, you may be overlooking the true cause. Blaming others could keep you from revising a poorly written resume or sharpening your interviewing skills.

And one final note: I hope you have learned that quitting one job before finding another is a very risky move.

- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.